This is not the body I once knew.
Not the body he first fell in love with.
Not the body that moved with ease, danced without pain, or felt untouched by time.
Not the body he undressed the first time we made love.
Not the body that was unscarred, unmarked, and carefree.
This body has lived more life than anyone ever sees.
This is a body that carried three babies to term,
and grieved the one little girl we never got to meet,
our sweet Willow, whose presence changed my heart even without her breath.
This is a body that has endured that kind of loss…
and still kept going.
This is a body that survived the words
“You are BRCA positive”
and everything that diagnosis forced me to face.
This is a body that has been through a total hysterectomy,
a body forced into surgical menopause,
a body that had to say goodbye to parts of itself long before it ever felt ready.
This is a body that walked into an operating room
and emerged with a double mastectomy,
choosing life over fear,
choosing future over comfort,
choosing my children over everything else.
This is a body that has gained weight,
lost weight,
and fought to regulate hormones in a season where nothing feels normal.
This is a body that wakes up tired,
pushes through fatigue,
battles hot flashes,
and carries invisible symptoms of a decision that saved my life
but reshaped my identity.
This is a body that made choices a mother should never have to make,
yet would make again in a heartbeat
because being here for my children
is worth every scar I carry.
So no, this is not the body I used to have.
And it may never be again.
But this body is not broken.
This body is not ruined.
This body is not unworthy.
This is a survivor’s body.
A previvor’s body.
A body marked by strength, faith, grit, and sacrifice.
A body that chose life before cancer ever had the chance to choose me.
This is the body my children climb into bed with.
The body my partner still reaches for.
The body that hugs, carries, comforts, and loves with everything it has left.
The body that stayed so I could raise the babies God entrusted to me.
This is a holy body,
because it has done holy work.
The world may glorify perfection,
but God glorifies survival.
And this body is proof that I endured, overcame, and remained.
I will choose to love this body,
not because it is flawless,
but because it saved my life
and it is the only body I have.
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